November 03, 2022
101 Reasons Why You Definitely Won't Read This Blog Post

Man shrugging.jpg

I know you have no time. YOU know you have no time. I know you're not gonna do anything you don't wanna do. YOU know you're not gonna do anything you don't wanna do. We both know you're not going to read this blog post. It's too long and you have way more important things to do.

What follows are 101 reasons why you won't read this blog post.

1. You don't want to.
2. You're late for a very important date.
3. You can't think of a way to monetize the experience.
4. You don't like blog postings with clever titles.
5. You don't know how to read.

6. You think you'll catch Covid-19 by reading it
7. Someone stole your identity and you don't know who you are.
8. You've got to walk the dog.
9. You are wary of any list longer than ten.

10. Something is beeping just a few feet away from you, but you can't seem to find it.

11. It's none of my business.
12. You have to get to the bathroom.
13. You just had three shots of tequila
14. You're obsessing about cash flow.
15. "Form is emptiness. Emptiness is form."

16. You're out of range.
17. You're out of time.
18. You're out of money.
19. You're out of your mind.
20. You're out of excuses.

21. Anytime anybody comes off as seeming to know what you will do or won't do, you immediately do the opposite, (but you're wise to me and realize that you'd be playing into my hands by doing the opposite, so you are not reading this, which, by the way, was exactly what I predicted.)

22. You associate lists like this with superficial feature stories in Vogue or Glamour.

23. You realize that the entire universe is an illusion.
24. You need a break.
25. You took a break and now you're broke.

26. You have ADD or the latest medical condition invented by the pharmaceutical industry to sell you more drugs your health plan won't cover.

27. You have an acute case of blogitis.
28. You'd rather tweet.
29. You're late for your session with your therapist.
30. Your therapist would rather tweet.

31. You've got to check your page to see if anyone wants to go for a long walk with you on the beach.

32. Something about Anthony Fauci.

33. You're thinking of starting your own business.
34. You're thinking of starting your own blog.
35. It's time to meditate.

36. You have an undeniable need to eat chocolate, but can't find anything in the house. Wait a minute! What about that Baker's Chocolate on the back shelf?

37. The oil spill has reached your front door.

38. You're too busy complaining to anyone who will listen about Facebook's privacy policies or lack thereof.

39. Your still trying to figure out how I could possible give away, for free, a ten-year trial subscription to Free the Genie.

40. These two bloggers walk into a bar.
41. Anyone here from Cleveland?
42. You're waiting for this blog post to come out as a YouTube video.

43. You've only got two minutes left of battery life and if you don't book a cheap flight to Chicago, you're screwed.

44. You're certain it's all part of a vast right wing conspiracy.

45. Your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/mother/father are all on your case for spending too much time online.

46. You're in the Federal Witness Protection Program and are convinced that someone will track you down for reading this. Duck!

47. The tea kettle is whistling.

48. You're trying to figure out if the Isle of Langerhans is in the Caribbean or your pancreas.

49. You're waiting for your assistant to bring you the Executive Overview.

50. You're waiting to be important enough to have an assistant.
51. You're waiting for Godot.
52. You're a waiter and your shift starts in ten minutes.

53. The BIG GAME is on.

54. You're suspicious of anything that can't be reduced to 140 characters.

55. You're still counting hanging chads.

56. You live in New York City and have to move your car to the other side of the street.

57. It's not part of your 12-Step program.

58. Even though you had that fabulous laser surgery on both your eyes last year, you can't seem to find your new, inexpensive reading glasses.

59. You've just figured out how much it's going to cost to send your kids to college.

60. The Ambien's kicking in.
61. A Jehovah's Witness is at your door.
62. The pizza guy is at your door.
63. You suddenly realize you didn't order pizza.

64. Maybe it's a serial killer at your door -- not exactly the perfect time to be reading 100 reasons why you won't read this.

65. The moon is in Aquarius.
66. Your mind is in the gutter.
67. You're downloading free iPhone apps you will never use.

68. You're trying to figure out what Apple's next product that begins with "I" will be (I-Give-Up?, I-Matey?, I-Coulda-Been-A-Contenda?).

69. You are reading my book on storytelling
70. Karma.
71. You think blogging is a fad.
72. Nostradamus didn't predict it.
73. It's not in the Bible.

74. You are obsessing about something Trump did, didn't do, will do, or won't do.

75. You're a big fan of Sarah Palin.

76. You read my last list of 100 things and have concluded that one list of 100 from someone named Ditkoff is enough.

77. You're not as open to possibility as you think you are.
78. See # 61.

79. You just got pulled over by a state trooper who saw you about to read this blog posting while doing 55 mph in a hospital zone.

80. You weren't breast fed.

81. You just logged onto

82. There's something about blogs that put you off. I mean, don't these people have anything better to do?

83. You're trying to figure out how to start a home business.

84. You are suspicious. Very suspicious. You've always been suspicious.

85. Someone's on Line 2.

86. You think there must be some kind of marketing campaign behind this and I'm probably gearing up to sell you something you don't need -- and even if you did need it, clicking this link would end up getting you a whole bunch of emails that have nothing to do with your real interest (which is to read the next item on this fabulous list of 100 reasons why you won't read this fabulous list).

87. You've just been acquired by Google.

88. You figure that anyone who would bother writing a list of 100 reasons why you wouldn't read the list he wrote is either insane, unemployed, or your brother-in-law.

89. You are attempting to subscribe to my Medium channel.

90. You live on an asteroid.
91. Your hemorrhoids are acting up.

92. You've heard it said that reading long blog postings written by total strangers leads to the "harder stuff."

93. You're afraid of commitment. Always have been.

94. You haven't read my last book yet.

95. You have more important things to do. (Then again, you always say that.)

96. You really need to get back to writing your screenplay.

97. Someone just mentioned you look a lot like Johnny Depp and you've got to find an agent fast.

98. You majored in economics.
99. Bottles of beer on the wall.

100. "There's nothing wrong with inconsistency. Yes, there is."

101. You'd much prefer to be checking out the inspiring videos on Prem Rawat's Official YouTube Channel.
My storytelling blog

Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at November 3, 2022 05:06 PM


Probably 21...
Love you, glad to know you are funny as ever!

Posted by: Jule [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 10, 2010 02:06 AM

I DID just post a comment... of course I can

Posted by: Jule [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 10, 2010 02:07 AM

How many times will you keep saying I can now comment? I suppose as many times as I do..

Posted by: Jule [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 10, 2010 02:08 AM

okey-dokey.. well dong this almost as silly as the list!

Posted by: Jule [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 10, 2010 02:08 AM

I wish I had a 48 hour day ;)

Posted by: Sheila Lindsay [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 10, 2010 11:13 AM

Thanks Mitch - for getting me laughing - once again . . . !

Posted by: Barbara Bash [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 18, 2010 12:01 PM

You got me! hahah. I'm a big fan, I started a Six Sigma blog here in the Philippines.

have a great new year!

Copyright 2013 | Six Sigma Philippines | |
Six Sigma Training in the Philippines | Six Sigma Black Belt | Six Sigma Green Belt | Six Sigma Certification Philippines | Six Sigma Manila

Posted by: 9702475 [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 6, 2014 09:36 PM

Did I just read all 100? LOL

Posted by: Six Sigm Philippines [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 6, 2014 09:40 PM

SIX SIGMA PHILLIPINES (name?): Glad you are liking what you are reading on the Heart of Innovation. You might like the following article I wrote a few years back -- poking a bit of fun at Six Sigma. Enjoy!

Posted by: Mitch Ditkoff [TypeKey Profile Page] at January 8, 2014 09:34 AM

haha, very interesting. bur I"m still continue reading your post...

Posted by: chadwood [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 24, 2017 06:40 AM

well the tequila got my attention!!! And i read most of this, b/c you pissed me off about me possibly being too busy to read it... I don't know how you find all the words you piece together... but I enjoy it immensely!

Posted by: Tina L [TypeKey Profile Page] at May 12, 2021 08:55 PM

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