101 Reasons Why You Definitely Won't Read This Blog Post
I know you have no time. YOU know you have no time. I know you're not gonna do anything you don't wanna do. YOU know you're not gonna do anything you don't wanna do. We both know you're not going to read this blog post. It's too long and you have way more important things to do.
What follows are 101 reasons why you won't read this blog post.
1. You don't want to.
2. You're late for a very important date.
3. You can't think of a way to monetize the experience.
4. You don't like blog postings with clever titles.
5. You don't know how to read.
6. You think you'll catch Covid-19 by reading it
7. Someone stole your identity and you don't know who you are.
8. You've got to walk the dog.
9. You are wary of any list longer than ten.
10. Something is beeping just a few feet away from you, but you can't seem to find it.
11. It's none of my business.
12. You have to get to the bathroom.
13. You just had three shots of tequila
14. You're obsessing about cash flow.
15. "Form is emptiness. Emptiness is form."
16. You're out of range.
17. You're out of time.
18. You're out of money.
19. You're out of your mind.
20. You're out of excuses.
21. Anytime anybody comes off as seeming to know what you will do or won't do, you immediately do the opposite, (but you're wise to me and realize that you'd be playing into my hands by doing the opposite, so you are not reading this, which, by the way, was exactly what I predicted.)
22. You associate lists like this with superficial feature stories in Vogue or Glamour.
23. You realize that the entire universe is an illusion.
24. You need a break.
25. You took a break and now you're broke.
26. You have ADD or the latest medical condition invented by the pharmaceutical industry to sell you more drugs your health plan won't cover.
27. You have an acute case of blogitis.
28. You'd rather tweet.
29. You're late for your session with your therapist.
30. Your therapist would rather tweet.
31. You've got to check your Match.com page to see if anyone wants to go for a long walk with you on the beach.
32. Something about Anthony Fauci.
33. You're thinking of starting your own business.
34. You're thinking of starting your own blog.
35. It's time to meditate.
36. You have an undeniable need to eat chocolate, but can't find anything in the house. Wait a minute! What about that Baker's Chocolate on the back shelf?
37. The oil spill has reached your front door.
38. You're too busy complaining to anyone who will listen about Facebook's privacy policies or lack thereof.
39. Your still trying to figure out how I could possible give away, for free, a ten-year trial subscription to Free the Genie.
40. These two bloggers walk into a bar.
41. Anyone here from Cleveland?
42. You're waiting for this blog post to come out as a YouTube video.
43. You've only got two minutes left of battery life and if you don't book a cheap flight to Chicago, you're screwed.
44. You're certain it's all part of a vast right wing conspiracy.
45. Your wife/husband/boyfriend/girlfriend/mother/father are all on your case for spending too much time online.
46. You're in the Federal Witness Protection Program and are convinced that someone will track you down for reading this. Duck!
47. The tea kettle is whistling.
48. You're trying to figure out if the Isle of Langerhans is in the Caribbean or your pancreas.
49. You're waiting for your assistant to bring you the Executive Overview.
50. You're waiting to be important enough to have an assistant.
51. You're waiting for Godot.
52. You're a waiter and your shift starts in ten minutes.
53. The BIG GAME is on.
54. You're suspicious of anything that can't be reduced to 140 characters.
55. You're still counting hanging chads.
56. You live in New York City and have to move your car to the other side of the street.
57. It's not part of your 12-Step program.
58. Even though you had that fabulous laser surgery on both your eyes last year, you can't seem to find your new, inexpensive reading glasses.
59. You've just figured out how much it's going to cost to send your kids to college.
60. The Ambien's kicking in.
61. A Jehovah's Witness is at your door.
62. The pizza guy is at your door.
63. You suddenly realize you didn't order pizza.
64. Maybe it's a serial killer at your door -- not exactly the perfect time to be reading 100 reasons why you won't read this.
65. The moon is in Aquarius.
66. Your mind is in the gutter.
67. You're downloading free iPhone apps you will never use.
68. You're trying to figure out what Apple's next product that begins with "I" will be (I-Give-Up?, I-Matey?, I-Coulda-Been-A-Contenda?).
69. You are reading my book on storytelling
70. Karma.
71. You think blogging is a fad.
72. Nostradamus didn't predict it.
73. It's not in the Bible.
74. You are obsessing about something Trump did, didn't do, will do, or won't do.
75. You're a big fan of Sarah Palin.
76. You read my last list of 100 things and have concluded that one list of 100 from someone named Ditkoff is enough.
77. You're not as open to possibility as you think you are.
78. See # 61.
79. You just got pulled over by a state trooper who saw you about to read this blog posting while doing 55 mph in a hospital zone.
80. You weren't breast fed.
81. You just logged onto SageCatalysts.com
82. There's something about blogs that put you off. I mean, don't these people have anything better to do?
83. You're trying to figure out how to start a home business.
84. You are suspicious. Very suspicious. You've always been suspicious.
85. Someone's on Line 2.
86. You think there must be some kind of marketing campaign behind this and I'm probably gearing up to sell you something you don't need -- and even if you did need it, clicking this link would end up getting you a whole bunch of emails that have nothing to do with your real interest (which is to read the next item on this fabulous list of 100 reasons why you won't read this fabulous list).
87. You've just been acquired by Google.
88. You figure that anyone who would bother writing a list of 100 reasons why you wouldn't read the list he wrote is either insane, unemployed, or your brother-in-law.
89. You are attempting to subscribe to my Medium channel.
90. You live on an asteroid.
91. Your hemorrhoids are acting up.
92. You've heard it said that reading long blog postings written by total strangers leads to the "harder stuff."
93. You're afraid of commitment. Always have been.
94. You haven't read my last book yet.
95. You have more important things to do. (Then again, you always say that.)
96. You really need to get back to writing your screenplay.
97. Someone just mentioned you look a lot like Johnny Depp and you've got to find an agent fast.
98. You majored in economics.
99. Bottles of beer on the wall.
100. "There's nothing wrong with inconsistency. Yes, there is."
101. You'd much prefer to be checking out the inspiring videos on Prem Rawat's Official YouTube Channel.
MitchDitkoff.com
My storytelling blog
TimelessToday
PremRawat.com
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 05:06 PM | Comments (11)
October 21, 2021The Syndrome Syndrome and the Rise of the New World Disorders
Here's a fun test for you: If you can read the rest of this paragraph without tweeting, texting, or thinking about crop circles, there's a good chance you do not have ADD, ADHD, or any other recently-identified medical condition.
That's the good news.
The not-so-good news? The overwhelming number of disorders, dysfunctions, and syndromes popping up daily make it almost impossible to understand exactly what condition you actually have.
As a concerned citizen, humanitarian, and Johnny Depp look-a-like, I've decided to go beyond my SAHS (Social Activist Hesitation Syndrome) and actually do something about it.
Below, you will find my guide to 14 of the most recently identified medical conditions. Study them carefully. If you have one of them, please check your health insurance policy immediately to see if it will cover the cost of the medicines you will soon feel compelled to buy.
1. CFSUD (Chronic Facebook Status Update Disorder): A debilitating disease that shuts down the immune system whenever a person's need to change their Facebook status update supersedes their need to change their underwear, breathe, or have a meaningful conversation with another human being.
2. RAQS (Reflexive Air Quote Syndrome): The simultaneous extension of the index and middle finger, of both hands, to signal to anyone in one's visual field that the word or phrase about to be spoken is either inconsequential, hyper-inflated, or attributed to someone from an opposing political party.
3. TGRES (Teenage Girl Rolling Eye Syndrome): The upward, lateralized movement of eyeballs in the presence of parents, teachers, or guidance counselors in the still forming cerebral cortex of teenage girls. Or like, whatever.
4. CPD (Compulsive Photoshop Disorder): A distortion of the visual field in which people, objects, animals, or natural expressions of Mother Nature are perceived to be deficient, requiring immediate digital manipulation.
5. MPS (Marital Projection Syndrome): A compensatory nervous system reaction triggered whenever a husband or wife believes so strongly in their own concepts of right and wrong that all they can do is criticize, judge, and wallow in self-righteousness for extended periods of time, resulting in high therapy bills, the sensation of walking on eggshells, and the cessation of sex for 30 days.
6. FSGDD (Five Star General Distraction Disorder): The involuntary tendency of high ranking military officials to throw away their careers and share classified information with well-dressed socialites looking for diplomatic immunity so they won't have to pay their parking tickets or wait on line at Wal-Mart.
7. PID (Premature Intervention Disorder): The hallucinated belief by war-mongering American politicians that invading and occupying other countries for ridiculously long periods of time will increase national security, distract people from thinking about the economy, and lower gas prices.
8. VCD (Virtual Connection Dysfunction): The involuntary flapping of opposable thumbs, accompanied by the sudden, compulsive search for the nearest Smart Phone during early or late stage lovemaking.
9. RCOD (Remote Control Overload Disorder): A state of bi-polar catatonia triggered by the inability to make sense of all those tiny, misplaced buttons on one or more remote control devices, none of which correlate to anything in the known universe.
10. ITILLJDD (I Think I Look Like Johnny Depp Disorder): The irrational belief by men over 40 that just because they have a wispy mustache, slick their hair back, and have seen Pirates of the Caribbean twice, women will want to have sex with them.
11. MGITOGD (My God Is the Only God Disorder): A fanatical mindset in which one's certainty about their own belief system can only be validated by making others wrong and, depending on the need for more oil, real estate, or power can lead to the death of thousands of innocent people.
12. FMYS (Four More Years Syndrome): The sudden, song-like repetition of the phrase "Four More Years, Four More Years" by straw hat-wearing, overweight, ridiculously optimistic followers of incumbent presidents at political rallies held in convention centers, state fairs, or parking lots.
13. CLS (Compulsive Like Disorder): The involuntary need to ask everyone you know to "like" your Facebook Page even if they don't like it, don't like you, or have already liked your page due to your incessant badgering and self-promotion.
14.BYHFSWAYTWSMLBBIAITHYSYACTHTLFSKOTOEWARLNEBATBOHND: (Blaming Your Husband For Snoring When Actually You, the Wife, Snore Much Louder, But Because It's Almost Impossible to Hear Yourself Snoring, You Are Constantly Telling Him to Look for Some Kind of Treatment Or Else Wear a Ridiculous Looking, Nostril-Expanding Bandaid Across the Bridge of His Nose Dysfunction.) Just what it sounds like.
MitchDitkoff.com
Idea Champions
A good book about inner peace
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 08:24 PM | Comments (0)
February 11, 2020What's Next After Twitter
Ever since Twitter made its appearance on the scene in 2006, millions of people have become enamored with the prospect of delivering a message in 140 characters or less.
Short and sweet has become the name of the game. Brevity rules.
And why not? In a world ruled at least as much by ADD as by maniacal despots, who's got time for anything else?
These days, we don't have time. Time has us.
But according to industry sources, Twitter has become passe. Like the SONY Walkman. Like your father's Oldsmobile. Like the last two sentences of this paragraph.
That's why I've invented TWI -- the next, new super hip, low carbon footprint, social networking platform.
It's quicker. It's faster. And by the end of this post, the company will have already issued an IPO.
140 characters? Please! That's an eternity!
With TWI all you get is 20 characters. That's an 86% improvement in productivity over Twitter. 86%!
If you can't deliver your message in 20 characters, you're obviously a slacker and we don't want your business. Why would we? You'd probably end up calling our customer service bots and wasting their time with your long-winded complaints.
TWI. Think about how much more efficient you will be -- leaving you so much more time to drink coffee and get more things done.
C'mon! What are you waiting for? Time. Is. Passing. Act now!
Idea Champions
Quick way to spark innovation
Even quicker
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 05:21 AM | Comments (0)
March 20, 2019Big Blues From the Viagra People
In 1999, I conceived and co-founded (with Paul Kwicienski) the world's first interactive business blues band, Face the Music.
The concept was a simple one: help organizations increase teamwork and decrease complaint by getting employees to write and perform original blues songs.
The concept resonated with a lot of industries, especially Big Pharma.
Oh yeah, they had the blues, lots of blues, like the "Now We Gotta Compete with Generic Drugs from Canada Blues," and the "No One Trusts the Drug Companies Anymore Blues," and the always popular, "Our Pipeline Is Empty, But Our Inbox is Full Blues."
So we weren't all that surprised when Pfizer came calling...
They had a big conference coming up and wanted to do "something different" to engage participants -- all of whom were high ranking business leaders.
Though our approach seemed risky to them at first, our testimonials from other Fortune 500 companies were proof enough we were the real deal for them to sign on the dotted line.
And so they did.
Unlike most bands -- or business simulations, for that matter -- our service began long before we took the stage.
For each client wanting the complete experience, we'd write a custom blues song weeks before -- a kind of musical caricature of their company that we'd perform to kick off our performance -- a modern day Greek Chorus routine that loosened up audiences while modeling the message of the evening -- to speak (or in our case, sing) the truth.
And though we always shared our lyrics with clients long before an event, rarely were we asked us to modify what we wrote.
Pfizer was a different story.
From their perspective, our lyrics were "incendiary, politically incorrect, and might be taken the wrong way."
Customer-focused as we were (and not wanting to blow a good pay day), we revised our lyrics overnight and submitted version 2.0 the first thing in the morning.
Pfizer didn't like our new version, either. Or version 3.0, 4.0, or 5.0.
After five failed attempts, we decided to drop the custom song and focus on the classic blues songs that made up the bulk of our play list.
But doubt had crept into our client's mind. He was now officially nervous and wanted to see the lyrics to all our songs.
"Piece of cake," we reasoned to ourselves. The lyrics we'd be sending him had been performed for more than a hundred years all over America and were a huge part of the DNA of the nation.
True. But they weren't part of Pfizer's DNA. Our client had major issues with every song we sent them.
So we emailed him the lyrics to another ten classic blues songs. He rejected those, too.
Now, we had the blues. Like the legendary Robert Johnson, we stood at the crossroads, Blackberries and guitars in hand.
"Gentlemen," I began the damage-control conference call in the most corporate voice I could muster, "with all due respect, you have just rejected the lyrics of the most popular 20 American blues songs from the past hundred years. Remember, you are engaging the services of a blues band, not a polka band. You've got to have more trust in us."
Ooooh... the "T" word!
They hemmed. They hawed. Them hemmed again. And then with a semi-shrug of their collective shoulders and the growing recognition that their event was just a few days away, they chose the seven tamest songs and gave us a tepid thumbs up.
"But remember!" they warned, "the show must end no later than 9:30 sharp. Not a minute more."
Show time!
When we got to the venue, I could tell we were in for an interesting night.
Though our client greeted us pleasantly enough, something was off. Outwardly, he was fine. Inwardly, he was anxious, uptight, constricted, nervous, sweating, and silently obsessing about how he was going to cover his ass should his worst nightmares about the evening come true.
The band picked up on his mood and immediately tightened up.
Knowing that good music doesn't issue forth from tight musicians, I sent the band backstage for a glass of wine and some small talk while I filibustered with the client -- the theater now rapidly filling with hundreds of people who made a lot more money than we did.
"Remember," the client reminded me again before the lights went down, "the show must end at 9:30 sharp!"
The band's first two songs that night were lame. Very lame. Channeling the tension of our neck-on-the-line client, the band was playing it safe -- not exactly a formula for foot stomping blues.
By the third song, thank God, the band found its groove. The audience relaxed and the songs they wrote and performed were some of the funniest we'd heard in a while.
I looked at my watch. It was 9:27. Quickly, I signaled the band to wrap things up when, out of the corner of my eye, I noticed the client making his way to the stage.
Actually, "making his way" wasn't the right phrase to describe his approach. "Storming the stage" was more like it.
I looked at my watch again. Now it was 9:28 and the client was getting closer by the nanosecond. I spoke faster, much faster, doing my best to finish before the bewitching hour
Two sentences from closure, the man bounds up the stairs and lunges towards me.
"Keep playing!" he blurts. "Tell the band to keep playing! This is really going well! Forget the 9:30 deadline. Keep playing!"
I signal the band and they segue into BB King"s "Let the Good Times Roll" -- the 12-minute version. South Side Denny takes off on a blistering guitar solo.
South Side Slim is wailing at the top of his lungs. Screaming Sweet Pea Fradon is bringing down the house. Blind Lemon Pledge is on top of his game.
Everyone in the audience is singing and dancing and clapping and laughing.
The pharmaceutical blues? Gone. At least for the moment
Excerpted from Storytelling at Work
For more on Face the Music, click here or here.
Check out our Six Sigma Blues.
Go beyond the business blues keynotes
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 01:56 AM | Comments (0)
August 15, 2018The Syndrome Syndrome and the Rise of the New World Disorder(s)
Here's a fun test for you: If you can read the rest of this paragraph without logging onto Facebook, tweeting, or thinking about crop circles, there's a good chance you do not have ADD, ADHD, or any other recently-identified medical condition.
That's the good news. The not-so-good news? The overwhelming number of disorders, dysfunctions, and syndromes popping up daily make it almost impossible to understand exactly what condition you actually have.
As a concerned citizen, humanitarian, and Johnny Depp look-a-like, I've decided to go beyond my SAHS (Social Activist Hesitation Syndrome) and actually do something about it.
Below, you will find my guide to 14 of the most recently identified medical conditions. Study them carefully. If you have one of them, please check your health insurance policy immediately to see if it will cover the cost of the medicines you will soon feel compelled to buy.
1. FSGDD (Five Star General Distraction Disorder): The involuntary tendency of high ranking military officials to throw away their careers and share classified information with well-dressed socialites looking for diplomatic immunity so they won't have to pay their parking tickets or wait on line at Wal-Mart.
2. CFSUD (Chronic Facebook Status Update Disorder): A debilitating disease that shuts down the immune system whenever a person's need to change their Facebook status update supersedes their need to change their underwear, breathe, or have a meaningful conversation with another human being.
3. RAQS (Reflexive Air Quote Syndrome): The simultaneous extension of the index and middle finger, of both hands, to signal to anyone in one's visual field that the word or phrase about to be spoken is either inconsequential, hyper-inflated, or attributed to someone from an opposing political party.
4. TGRES (Teenage Girl Rolling Eye Syndrome): The upward, lateralized movement of eyeballs in the presence of parents, teachers, or guidance counselors in the still forming cerebral cortex of teenage girls. Or like, whatever.
5. CPD (Compulsive Photoshop Disorder): A distortion of the visual field in which people, objects, animals, or natural expressions of Mother Nature are perceived to be deficient, requiring immediate digital manipulation.
6. MPS (Marital Projection Syndrome): A compensatory nervous system reaction triggered whenever a husband or wife believes so strongly in their own concepts of right and wrong that all they can do is criticize, judge, and wallow in self-righteousness for extended periods of time, resulting in high therapy bills, the sensation of walking on eggshells, and the cessation of sex for 30 days.
7. PID (Premature Intervention Disorder): The hallucinated belief by war-mongering American politicians that invading and occupying other countries for ridiculously long periods of time will increase national security, distract people from thinking about the economy, and lower gas prices.
8. (VCD) Virtual Connection Dysfunction: The involuntary flapping of opposable thumbs, accompanied by the sudden, compulsive search for the nearest Smart Phone during early or late stage lovemaking.
9. RCOD (Remote Control Overload Disorder): A state of bi-polar catatonia triggered by the inability to make sense of all those tiny, misplaced buttons on one or more remote control devices, none of which correlate to anything in the known universe.
10. ITILLJDD (I Think I Look Like Johnny Depp Disorder): The irrational belief by men over 40 that just because they have a wispy mustache, slick their hair back, and have seen Pirates of the Caribbean twice, women will want to have sex with them.
11. MGITOGD (My God Is the Only God Disorder): A fanatical mindset in which one's certainly about their own belief system can only be validated by making others wrong and, depending on the need for more oil, real estate, or power can lead to the death of thousands of innocent people.
12. FMYS (Four More Years Syndrome): The sudden, song-like repetition of the phrase "Four More Years, Four More Years" by straw hat-wearing, overweight, ridiculously optimistic followers of incumbent presidents at political rallies held in convention centers, state fairs, or parking lots.
13. CLS (Compulsive Like Disorder): The involuntary need to ask everyone you know to "like" your Facebook Page even if they don't like it, don't like you, or have already liked your page due to your incessant badgering and self-promotion.
14.BYHFSWAYTWSMLBBIAITHYSYACTHTLFSKOTOEWARLNEBATBOHND: (Blaming Your Husband For Snoring When Actually You, the Wife, Snore Much Louder, But Because It's Almost Impossible to Hear Yourself Snoring, You Are Constantly Telling Him to Look for Some Kind of Treatment Or Else Wear a Ridiculous Looking, Nostril-Expanding Bandaid Across the Bridge of His Nose Dysfunction.) Just what it sounds like.
Storytelling for the Revolution
MitchDitkoff.com
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 03:34 PM | Comments (1)
January 25, 2018ANONYMOUS REVEALED
I have a confession to make. Actually, it's more like a revelation than a confession.
You know all those fabulous quotes and articles you've read over the years with no attribution other than "Anonymous"? It was me. It's true. I have written thousands of things I've never signed my name to. I couldn't. I mean -- the writing just came through me. Like a storm. In fact, I was in such a state of presence as these pearls of wisdom appeared, there wasn't even a "me" involved, so how could I sign my name?
So I did the only thing I could do -- and that was to sign what I wrote with the now all-too-familiar word "Anonymous".
Please don't get me wrong. I'm not complaining, nor do I have any regrets about my selfless decision. It felt right at the time. But now, with the economy slowing down -- it's starting to make sense that I claim what is rightfully mine.
After countless hours of consultations with pundits, epistemological savants, numerologists, and intellectual property lawyers, I've arrived at an approach that is not only honorable and fair, but flawless and timely with absolutely no carbon footprint. Nor were any animals harmed in the writing of this paragraph.
I am pleased to announce that YOU, dear reader, get to play a key role going forward -- one that will take you less time than it will to order a take-out pizza.
Since I am claiming no royalties whatsoever from my past writings (many of which, by the way, went on to become blockbuster movies, novels, bumper stickers, and refrigerator magnets), I think it is only fair to request that every time you forward anything attributed to "Anonymous" you link it to this page -- a promo for my new online creativity course -- soon to be offered as a subscription service
My goal? To model what it's like to claim one's true inheritance and take the risk that this post will go viral and I will have to answer a lot of questions from slick talk show hosts more interested in their own TV ratings than my no longer anonymous success.
A small example of what I've never been paid for
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 09:37 PM | Comments (8)
December 10, 2017Millennial Job Interview
A Millennial job interview from @TheDanielBrea on Vimeo.
Idea Champions
Micro-Learning for Millennials (and others)
More Micro-Learning (or maybe less)
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 01:30 PM | Comments (0)
December 06, 2017Why AHA and HAHA Are So Related
I don't think it's an accident that "aha" and "haha" are both almost spelled the same way. Indeed, there is a deep relationship between the Eureka moment and humor -- which is one of the reasons why Isaac Asimov once said "The most exciting phrase in science is not 'Eureka', but 'That's funny!'" And why? Because when something strikes you as funny it is often an indication that your assumptions are being challenged, as in what you were expecting to see was nothing more than a false conclusion cobbled together by the habitual ways in which you interpret the "data."
When a person has a Eureka moment (i.e. Archimedes in the bathtub, Newton under the apple tree), he or she experiences something that surprises them -- something beyond their logic and expectations. In a word, they are "dislocated" from their normal reality and it is this dislocation that sparks a new kind of perception.
It's the same with humor. When a person laughs upon hearing a story or a joke, it is usually because the storyteller or comedian, "dislocates" the listener. The listener is "set up" so to speak, lulled into believing the story or joke is going in one direction, only to have the logic of what they are listening to veer off in another direction. This unexpected moment of surprise often results in an involuntary reaction called "laughter." Indeed, it is the unexpected left turn or right turn that the storyteller makes -- via a well-told punchline -- that triggers a great release of laughter in the listener.
Bottom line, the AHA moment and the HAHA moment are both powered by the same phenomenon -- an unexpected turn of events... a surprise... a dislocation... and a sudden perceptual shift that opens the mind to new ways of seeing and feeling.
If you want to see your team, department, or organization be more innovative, consider bringing more humor into the workplace -- more opportunities for people to play with possibilities instead of being stuck in the "nose to the grindstone" position -- which, by the way, may give the appearance that people are working when, in fact, they are merely surviving. People who are laughing on the job are not necessarily slackers or goofballs. They may, in fact be out-of-the-box thinkers on the brink of a breakthrough.
A CEO, an ice skater, and proctologist walk into a bar...
Idea Champions
MitchDitkoff.com
What's funny about Ravel's Bolero
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 06:46 PM | Comments (0)
July 15, 2017Happiness Is It's Own ROI
Illustration: gapingvoid
MitchDitkoff.com
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 10:02 PM | Comments (0)
June 15, 2017The True Definition of Comedy
"Comedy is simply a funny way of being serious." - Peter Ustinov
Clarence Darrow chimes in
Quotes on humor and playfulness
The Daily Show
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 04:47 PM | Comments (0)
December 31, 2016Two Dogs Dining
Break time. Stop saving the world (or your company) for the moment and simply enjoy this video. Laughing aloud allowed.
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 06:20 PM | Comments (0)
August 30, 2016I Am Not a Handyman
Are you a man -- or know a man who is, shall we say, "handyman challenged"? If so, then this newly published Huffington Post article of mine, is for you. Three minutes worth of comic relief. If you like it, please LIKE it and forward the link to your friends. Let's go viral!
90 other HuffPost articles of mine
My day job
Storytelling at Work
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 09:54 AM | Comments (0)
May 20, 2016The Typical Conference Call
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 07:30 AM | Comments (0)
April 04, 2016The Crowdsourced Birth of a New Book Beyond Business Innovation
Greetings! It's me, Mitch Ditkoff, author of this blog, President of Idea Champions, writer, speaker, husband, father, and dust particle. If you've been enjoying this blog, there is a good chance you will enjoy my forthcoming book. Towards that end, I have just launched a GoFundMe campaign and am inviting you to participate. We're talking crowd-sourced funding -- a way for me to buy the time and resources I need to write, produce, publish, and promote the book before hell freezes over. Hope you can be part of it! It takes a village... and a few village idiots!
Click here to find out more
Click here if you don't want to find out more
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 02:51 PM | Comments (0)
March 22, 2016How 13-Year Olds Can End Terrorism
OK. I know this headline seems bold. Even presumptuous. But bear with me. I'm inspired. And even more than that -- on the brink of a breakthrough. But first, some back story...
Five years ago, my awesomely cool, smart, and creative daughter, Mimi (in the orange glasses above), turned 13 and invited 12 of her girlfriends to our house for a celebrational sleepover.
The first 30 minutes were great as each girl, gift in hand, was dropped off by a parent, who, upon surveying the room, offered my wife and I a glance of great compassion as if to say "Better you than me."
The girls? Don't ask...
They talked. They texted. They talked. They texted. Ate chocolate. Brushed hair. Played music. Painted fingernails. Laughed. Texted. Called friends. Finished not a single sentence, rolling their eyes every time a parent entered the room.
Mindful of my daughter's need for space and my own weird tendency to be a little too present when her friends were around, I retreated to my bedroom like some kind of mid-western chicken farmer looking for a storm shelter.
I tried reading. I tried napping. I tried meditating. Nothing worked. My attention was completely subsumed -- taken over by an invisible vortex of swirling social networking energy being channeled by a roomful of partying 13-year old girls -- the next generation of, like, whatever.
And then, with absolutely no warning, everything became suddenly clear. In a flash, I understood exactly how to end terrorism once and for all.
THE PLAN:
For starters, the government flies a squadron of 13 year-old girls to Guantanamo -- or wherever high profile terrorists are being interrogated these days.
The girls, impeccably guarded by the highest qualified soldiers available, are walked into a prison waiting room where the shackled terrorists are already sitting.
Immediately, the girls begin texting, eating chocolate, talking, painting fingernails, and exponentially interrupting each other with a steady stream of "OMG's" and other, esoteric internet acronyms none of their parents have a clue about.
The prisoners, at first, find the whole thing amusing -- a delightful break from their dreadful prison routine. They smile. They wink. They remember their youth.
But the girls, wired to the max (sugar and wi-fi), radically pick up the pace of their texting and talking like some kind of futuristic teenage particle accelerator.
After five minutes, the prisoners stop smiling. After ten, they become silent. After twenty, they start twitching. A lot.
They try covering their ears with their shackled hands, but the chains are too short. They start looking madly around the room, hoping to catch the eyes of their jailers -- but their jailers sit motionless, miming the movements of the twelve texting teenagers.
A few of the terrorists start crying. A few go catatonic. And then, the roughest looking of the bunch -- a tall man with a long, jagged scar on his left cheek -- calls out in his native language.
"STOP! I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I'll TELL YOU EVERYTHING YOU WANT TO KNOW."
The guards nod and switch on the nearest tape recorder. But it's totally unnecessary.
The girls, totally tuned into the terrorists' confessions as if watching the finals of American Idol, are texting everything they hear to a roomful of Pentagon heavyweights in an undisclosed location.
The information proves vital to our national defense.
Within three days, a record number of terrorist cells are taken down. Word gets out to the global terrorist community and, in only a matter of weeks, it becomes impossible for the Jihadist movement to recruit.
Yes, of course, the ACLU raises a stink about this "new strain of American torture," but a thorough investigation by a bi-partisan task force of international peacekeepers proves to be inconclusive. No long-term damage to the prisoners can be detected.
On a roll, my daughter and her rock-the-world friends create a Facebook Group that teaches other 13-year old girls how to help the cause. A movement is born.
Soon, hundreds of teenage girl "patriots" are dispatched to war zones around the world -- radically decreasing the incidence of terrorism on all seven continents.
Subsequent interviews with former Jihadists reveal that merely the threat of being in a room with 12 texting 13-year old girls was enough to get them to lay down their homemade bombs and return to farming.
Peace comes to the Middle East. Pakistan and India make up. (Make up, girls!) The Golden Age begins.
As you might guess, HBO and Hollywood come calling.
Big time producers want to do a reality show and a major motion picture, but the girls -- newly inspired by the impact they've had on the world -- refuse to become a commodity as they prepare (OMG!) for summer camp and 8th grade and the September launch of that next, cool cell phone with the incredible keyboard.
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 12:37 PM | Comments (3)
February 11, 2015The History (and Present) of Valentine's Day
Most people think Valentine's Day was invented by Hallmark Cards. It wasn't. Valentine's Day is actually a well-documented, historical phenomenon -- its tangled roots winding their way through centuries worth of Christian liturgy, pagan tradition, myth, and an occasional beheading.
The most popular account of its origins date back to a temple priest named, not surprisingly, Valentine, a later-to-be-canonized saint who was executed in 270 A.D. by Emperor Claudius II for performing illegal marriage ceremonies on the Roman battlefield. Back then, as the story goes, the military-minded Claudius believed connubial bliss was bad for war and made it illegal for soldiers to wed.
Imprisoned for his battlefield-betrothing ways, Valentine, a man of many talents, supposedly healed the blind daughter of his jailer while incarcerated and, the night before his execution, gave the newly sighted young lass a hand written card signed -- you guessed it -- "From Your Valentine."
And the rest, as they say, is history.
Of course, as in most historical accounts, there is almost an infinite variety of competing legends -- some religious, some pagan, some merely the result of bad translations by poorly educated scribes. According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, there were at least three early Christian saints named Valentine -- each of whom were martyred on February 14th. And to make matters even more Valetiney, the official Roman Catholic roster of saints lists no less than 12 saints named "Valentine."
Indeed, depending on where you live and what you believe, it is possible to celebrate St. Valentine's Day on six different days of the year -- November 3, January 7, July 25, July 6 being four of them. Me? I prefer February 14, not just because it's an American tradition, but because, where I live, February is ridiculously bleak and chocolate keeps my spirits (and blood sugar) high.
It wasn't until the 14th century, however, that Valentine's Day was associated with romantic love. And it was the English poet, Geoffrey Chaucer, who we have to thank for that. Chaucer's opus, Parliament of Foules, was the first ever to link the tradition of courtly love with St. Valentine's day.
Handwritten Valentine's Day cards were the tradition until 1847. That's when Esther Howland, a Mt. Holyoke graduate and budding entrepreneur, got the idea to mass produce them, ordering massive amounts of paper and lace from jolly old England, a country where no less than half the population was in the habit of giving and receiving Valentine's Day cards.
Thirty five hundred miles away, in the not-so-jolly United States, more than 190 million Valentine's Day cards are given each year -- and, if you count the number of cards school children give each other, that number skyrockets to one billion. With US citizens spending approximately $13.1 billion on Valentine's Day gifts each year, it's fair to say this love-themed holiday may be just as good for the economy as war is.
Fortunately, you don't have to be martyred, heal your daughter's jailer, or recite Chaucer's poetry to celebrate your loved ones this year. In addition to sending chocolate, roses, jewelry and cards, you can also send something digital, more specifically, the 5:23 music slide show featuring 23 inspired quotes on love by a selection of movers and shakers, none of whom, I believe, have ever been beheaded, healed the blind, or performed a single marriage ceremony on a Roman battlefield.
Also published in the Huffington Post.
Idea Champions
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 01:19 AM | Comments (1)
The History (and Present) of Valentine's Day
Most people think Valentine's Day was invented by Hallmark Cards. It wasn't. Valentine's Day is actually a well-documented, historical phenomenon -- its tangled roots winding their way through centuries worth of Christian liturgy, pagan tradition, myth, and an occasional beheading.
The most popular account of its origins date back to a temple priest named, not surprisingly, Valentine, a later-to-be-canonized saint who was executed in 270 A.D. by Emperor Claudius II for performing illegal marriage ceremonies on the Roman battlefield. Back then, as the story goes, the military-minded Claudius believed connubial bliss was bad for war and made it illegal for soldiers to wed.
Imprisoned for his battlefield-betrothing ways, Valentine, a man of many talents, supposedly healed the blind daughter of his jailer while incarcerated and, the night before his execution, gave the newly sighted young lass a hand written card signed -- you guessed it -- "From Your Valentine."
And the rest, as they say, is history.
Of course, as in most historical accounts, there is almost an infinite variety of competing legends -- some religious, some pagan, some merely the result of bad translations by poorly educated scribes. According to the Catholic Encyclopedia, there were at least three early Christian saints named Valentine -- each of whom were martyred on February 14th. And to make matters even more Valetiney, the official Roman Catholic roster of saints lists no less than 12 saints named "Valentine."
Indeed, depending on where you live and what you believe, it is possible to celebrate St. Valentine's Day on six different days of the year -- November 3, January 7, July 25, July 6 being four of them. Me? I prefer February 14, not just because it's an American tradition, but because, where I live, February is ridiculously bleak and chocolate keeps my spirits (and blood sugar) high.
It wasn't until the 14th century, however, that Valentine's Day was associated with romantic love. And it was the English poet, Geoffrey Chaucer, who we have to thank for that. Chaucer's opus, Parliament of Foules, was the first ever to link the tradition of courtly love with St. Valentine's day.
Handwritten Valentine's Day cards were the tradition until 1847. That's when Esther Howland, a Mt. Holyoke graduate and budding entrepreneur, got the idea to mass produce them, ordering massive amounts of paper and lace from jolly old England, a country where no less than half the population was in the habit of giving and receiving Valentine's Day cards.
Thirty five hundred miles away, in the not-so-jolly United States, more than 190 million Valentine's Day cards are given each year -- and, if you count the number of cards school children give each other, that number skyrockets to one billion. With US citizens spending approximately $13.1 billion on Valentine's Day gifts each year, it's fair to say this love-themed holiday may be just as good for the economy as war is.
Fortunately, you don't have to be martyred, heal your daughter's jailer, or recite Chaucer's poetry to celebrate your loved ones this year. In addition to sending chocolate, roses, jewelry and cards, you can also send something digital, more specifically, the 5:23 music slide show featuring 23 inspired quotes on love by a selection of movers and shakers, none of whom, I believe, have ever been beheaded, healed the blind, or performed a single marriage ceremony on a Roman battlefield.
Also published in the Huffington Post.
Idea Champions
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 01:19 AM | Comments (1)
July 07, 2014Rene Descartes Had It Backwards
Rene Descartes, the famous French philosopher, mathematician, and writer is remembered by many as the author of the famous phrase, "I think therefore I am."
With all due respect to the probably-way-smarter-than-me Mr.Descartes, I don't buy it.
Based on my non-Aristotelian, late night sojourns into the flip side of thinking, it's become very clear to me that a more accurate statement would be "I am therefore I think."
Then again, since we all know Werner Heisenberg irrefutably proved that the experimenter affects the experiment, it is likely that the truest philosophical statement of being would probably take on the shape of the person who said it.
And so, in a highly non-caffeinated fit of blogospheric bravado, I present to you 15 alternate statements of epistemological coolitude that give Descartes' tired phrase (and mine) a run for their money.
1. "I wink, therefore I am." - Sarah Palin
2. "I blink, therefore I am." - Malcolm Gladwell
3. "I link, therefore I am." - Larry Page and Sergey Brin
4. "I sink therefore I am." - Davey Jones and his Locker
5. "I stink therefore I am." - Pepe LePew
6. "I drink, therefore I am." - WC Fields
7. "I ink, therefore I am." - Kinkos
8. "I slink, therefore I am." - Marilyn Monroe
9. "I rink, therefore I am." - Wayne Gretzky
10. "I kink, therefore I am." - Ray Davies
11. "I clink, therefore I am." - Moet Chandon
12. "I fink, therefore I am." - Vinny "The Rat" Scalucci
13. "I pink, therefore I am." - Mary Kay
14. "I tink, therefore I am." - Bob Marley
15. "I plink, therefore I am." - Ernest Kaai
Got others? Lay them on me.
A big thank you to Cary Bayer and Barney Stacher for a bunch of the aforementioned pearls of wisdom
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 06:39 PM | Comments (5)
March 07, 2014Your Money or Your Life
For the life of me, I cannot remember the name of the financial services company that left me an urgent voice mail message asking that I call them back immediately about my availability to lead their annual leadership retreat on a island off the coast of Florida.
All I can recall was how generic sounding their name was -- something like National Investment Services... or Consolidated Financial Brokers.... or The American Banking Alliance -- kind of like the corporate equivalent of John Doe.
Somehow, they had heard of me and, with their big company pow wow coming up, were looking for someone, with a track record, to help them "become more innovative."
Never having heard of them before, I googled their name and, 1.73 seconds later, found myself on their website, slickly designed, I imagined, by someone with a special fondness for iStock photos of earnest looking models impersonating business people -- models who must have just moved to L.A. to pursue acting careers, but found themselves, at 24 or 35, working part-time as waiters and jumping at the chance to pick up some easy money wearing a suit and a smile for a day.
Easy for me to say -- me being the proverbial pot calling the proverbial kettle black with my big ass mortgage, family to feed and young entrepreneur's dream of making it big so I'd actually have enough moolah, one day, to invest with a financial services firm. Not to mention all the time in the world to write my best-selling book.
My first meeting with the client was pleasant enough. They talked. I listened, choosing not to interrupt them every time they made their point with an acronym I probably should have known if I only I hadn't spent my formative years living as a hippie, poet and monk.
OK, so they weren't a solar energy company. So they weren't asking me to help them end AIDS. I got it. This was business. The money business. The big money business -- and I was in it, no matter how much Rilke and Rumi I read on the side. Money. This was about money. Money and the VP of something or other inviting me to meet with him and his team the following week on the 57th floor of a building on Wall Street. There would be a badge waiting for me at the security desk, he explained. All I needed to do was show my ID.
Thrilled? Was I thrilled? Not exactly. But this was a possible gig and I needed the bread, so I went.
The VP and his team on the 57th floor looked nothing like the iStock photos on their company's homepage, though they did have a real nice view of Manhattan and a large mahogany conference table.
Our conversation went well enough. I asked all the right questions. They gave all the right answers. They sprinkled the conversation with football metaphors. I nodded. They gave me their business cards. I gave them mine. But on the way home, I began to feel a creeping sense of dislocation and dread -- like I was auditioning for a movie I wasn't quite sure I wanted to be in -- a movie being produced by a very fat man, sitting poolside, cell phone and martini in hand.
So when they called me back for a third meeting, I was betwixt and between. Do I simply trust my instincts and tell them I'm not their man? Or do I let go of my all-too-obvious self-righteous judgments and focus on the possibility that I might actually be able to help them get to higher ground?
Eternally the optimist, I chose the latter and decided to meet with them a third time -- a meeting, sad to say, which only confirmed the fact that I didn't like them very much and didn't like myself for sitting in a room with them and enabling their collective hallucination of themselves as a service organization when all they really wanted to do was make more money. Lots more money.
More chit chat. More coffee. More "run it up the flagpole" platitudes that littered our conversation like hidden charges on a credit card bill.
This was the moment of truth.
My client-to-be, apparently satisfied with what was about to become his decision to engage my services, cut to the chase and asked me to quote him a fee.
The honorable thing to have done, at the time, would have sounded like "John, I wish you the best of luck at your offsite, but after deep consideration, I don't think I'm the best possible fit for your company's needs."
But since I hadn't yet mastered the art of speaking my truth I took the easy way out and doubled my fees, thinking that they would now be so ridiculously high it would be the client's decision to end the relationship, not mine.
"That sounds about right," the client exclaimed, extending his right hand to seal the deal.
Fast forward six weeks later.
It's 8:30 a.m. and I'm on stage, in the Oakwood Room, on a beautiful island off the coast of Florida. Looking out at the audience, I notice that four of the gathered troops are sleeping, heads on the table. Someone in the front row explains to me that last night had been a "late one" and they'd all stayed up, drinking, until 4:00 a.m.
I tap the mic and begin speaking, trusting that the sound of my amplified voice would be enough to wake the dead.
Two of them snap to attention. The other two don't, still lightly snoring.
I signal the people sitting next to their sleep-deprived peers to poke them, which they do, shooting glances at me as if I am a substitute algebra teacher.
This is, as far I could tell, not a leadership offsite at all, but a college fraternity weekend -- big men on campus with stock options, golf shirts and a very high opinion of themselves. The collective attention span in the room is somewhere between a tse tse fly and a lizard. Nothing I say lands. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Only one thing is clear -- I am the highly paid warm up act before another night of drinking -- a small typographic box they can check off next quarter to prove they have done "the innovation thing."
I may have missed the moment of truth back at my client's office six weeks ago, but I wasn't going to miss it today.
"Gentlemen and ladies," I announce. "It's obvious that some of you don't want to be here. It seems you'd rather be golfing, napping or checking your email. I have no problem with that. So... we're going to take a 20-minute break. Only return if you really want to be here. Otherwise, you'll just be dead weight, screwing it up for the rest of us. Kapish?"
Twenty minutes pass. Everyone returns. Every single one of them.
And while the rest of the day didn't exactly qualify as one of the great moments in the history of innovative leadership off sites, at least it wasn't a total loss. Some good stuff actually happened. People woke up. People shaped up. People stepped up. And I learned a valuable lesson that would serve me for the rest of my life: Follow my feeling, not the money trail.
This story excerpted from my forthcoming book: WISDOM AT WORK: How Moments of Truth on the Job Reveal the Real Business of Life.
This story also in the Huffington Post
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Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 11:28 AM | Comments (0)
December 10, 2013When Oversleeping Before a Big Keynote Presentation is the Perfect Thing to Do
One thing I do for a living is speak -- as in delivering keynote presentations to large groups of business people. Usually, I am very well-prepared -- but even when I'm well-prepared, part of my service includes waking up on time in order to deliver the keynote.
Here's a brief story, newly published in the Huffington Post, about the one time I overslept -- and what the silver lining of that experience was for me -- what I learned about the existential choice I have, every single second of the day -- the choice between fear and presence.
My innovation keynotes
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Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 09:55 AM | Comments (0)
November 30, 2013THE SECOND ANNUAL "Cartesian Spinoff Tagline" CONTEST
Rene Descartes, the famous 17th century philosopher, physicist, and mathematician, is best known for having distilled his world view down to five words: "I think, therefore I am." Very pithy of him.
And so, in honor of The Father of Western Philosophy, I am pleased to announce the launching of the Second Annual Cartesian Spinoff Tagline Contest -- one that YOU could easily win with just a few minutes of creative effort.
HERE'S HOW IT WORKS:
Read the list of taglines below and let us know WHO you think that tagline should be attributed to. If you want your contest replies to be private, email your submissions to info@ideachampions.com. Otherwise, just post a comment below.
WHO (or what organization) SHOULD BE USING THE FOLLOWING TAGLINES?
1. "I sink therefore I am."
2. "I stink therefore I am."
3. "I drink, therefore I am."
4. "I wink, therefore I am."
5. "I link, therefore I am."
6. "I ink, therefore I am."
7. "I slink, therefore I am."
8. "I rink, therefore I am."
9. "I zinc, therefore I am."
10. "I blink, therefore I am."
11. "I kink, therefore I am."
12. "I clink, therefore I am."
13. "I pink, therefore I am."
14. "I tink, therefore I am."
15. "I plink, therefore I am."
16. "I shrink, therefore I am."
Prizes will be awarded in the following categories:
1. Most Obvious
2. Least Obvious
3. Hugely Creative
4. Funniest
Winners will receive absolutely nothing other than our virtual acknowledgment. No animals were harmed in the writing of this blog post.
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Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 03:48 PM | Comments (0)
December 24, 2012Christmas 2.0
A fun peek into how the news would have gotten out differently 2,012 years ago if social media tools had been around. (Click full screen).
Thanks to David Passes for the heads up.
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 11:52 PM | Comments (0)
November 17, 2012How 13-Year Old Girls Can Wipe Out Terrrorism
This just in! World Peace is just around the corner -- or, at the very least, terrorism will soon be a thing of the past. It's official! And the Huffington Post has just validated my unique stance on this very important issue.
Click here to find out how 13-year old girls can help wipe out terrorism and restore this great planet of ours to a more peaceful way of life. I know my take on the matter may seem a bit radical, but it's likely to work a whole lot better than the TSA and all those goofy airport scanner machines.
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 02:59 PM | Comments (0)
November 15, 2012Because I'm the Mom
This is so funny and so true -- I think I just peed in my pants. For all you moms out there, enjoy this 2:55 second paean to parenting.
Big thanks to Paul Alexander for the heads up.
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 10:07 AM | Comments (1)
July 06, 2012Weather Report from the Future?
Thanks to Scott Cronin for the heads up.
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 07:55 AM | Comments (0)
January 07, 2012Go Beyond the Business Blues
For years I was trying to figure out what all my clients had in common. Opposable thumbs? Yes. The Isle of Langerhans. That, too. Big, fat opinions about everything. For sure.
But even more than the aforementioned stuff in the preceding paragraph which you just read and probably haven't yet forgotten even though your short-term memory is getting shorter by the nanosecond and you're probably wondering, by now, why I'm rambling on and on when most blog postings are supposed to be short and sweet, it dawned on me one fine day as I was scraping marinara sauce off my shirt that the main thing all my clients had in common was the blues.
Yes, indeed. The blues. The same blues Muddy Waters had. And Robert Johnson. And BB King. Those blues.
Unlike the blues greats, however, my clients didn't have a way to express their blues. And, in the absence of this opportunity, their God given right to get right was lost.
But no more, brothers and sisters! No more!
Now, even the most buttoned down, white collared, bow-tied creators of spreadsheets at midnight have a chance to get those business blues off their chest and move towards a better future -- not to mention have fun, collaborate, and learn what it takes to innovate on the fly.
Ladies and gentlemen, without any further ado, allow me to introduce you to the world's first business blues band -- Face the Music!.
PS: Should you decide to contact them, be sure to mention that it was Idea Champions who sent you. (We give 5% of our referral fees to TPRF, one of the most well-run and inspired humanitarian organizations in the world).
The Six Sigma Blues
My blues encounter at Pfizer
The Email Blues
The Gotta Have a Process Blues
Idea Champions
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 01:33 AM | Comments (0)
January 06, 2012Wrapper of the Year!
If you have to pee, pee now. Pee before watching this video. I take no responsibility for your wardrobe, dry cleaning bills, or anti-social behavior. Consider yourself forewarned.
Idea Champions
More Christmas cheer
Buy something already
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 11:10 AM | Comments (0)
December 12, 2011Shining Eyes and Open Hearts
Ben Zander is the most extraordinary speaker/presenter/catalyst I've ever had the good fortune to experience other than my teacher, Prem Rawat. I first heard Ben at HSM's World Business Forum, in NYC. He entranced 4,000 business people for two hours and ended his enchantment by getting everyone to sing Ode to Joy in German. Ben is a masterful conductor, not just of orchestras, but of the human spirit of what's possible every single minute of the day.
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 09:41 PM | Comments (0)
November 27, 2011Business As Usual?
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 11:44 PM | Comments (0)
October 28, 2011This Just In! The Turbo Encabulator!
There's a reason why the expression "ideas are a dime a dozen" is so popular. Because it's true. Everyone and their mother has ideas. Where the rubber meets the road is HOW those ideas are communicated. When it's done well, magic happens. When it's not...
How can your organization improve it's idea pitching process?
Big thanks to Brigitta Rubin for the heads up!
Idea Champions
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 08:39 PM | Comments (0)
October 21, 2011Who Says Miss America Candidates Don't Know Their Stuff?
This is a spoof on the goofy ways in which Miss America candidates have answered serious questions in the past. Very funny.
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 06:04 AM | Comments (0)
April 29, 2011If Only He Had Come to Us Sooner!
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Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 12:43 AM | Comments (0)
October 13, 2010Does This Blog Posting Belong Here?
I'm not sure what this pie graph has to do with this blog, but so what. YOU might make the connection. Of course, it's always possible that there is no connection. Oh well, at least you might get a chuckle or two out of it -- and we all know there is definitely a relationship between humor, play, and creativity, eh?
Hey, if nothing else, it's a way you can find out about Free the Genie, our newly launched, online brainstorming tool.
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 09:04 AM | Comments (2)
October 11, 2010Results of Our Innovation Study*
Idea Champions is pleased to announce the results of our 10 year, longitudinal research project. More than 750,000 people were surveyed. Or maybe it was 7. We're not totally sure.
50 Ways to Foster a Culture of Innovation
The Four Currents of a Culture of Innovation
The Top 100 Lamest Excuses for Not Innovating on the Job
20 Awesome Quotes on Humor and Creativity
Americans' obsession with numbers
*Ummm.... this is a parody, folks! I had to add this postscript as soon as I saw readers quoting the results of this poll on Twitter. Bad coffee? Stranger than fiction.
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 10:24 PM | Comments (0)
October 10, 2010Why Car Alarms Don't Work
Ever hear a car alarm go off and had the same reaction as the "green people" below? Well... now's your chance to think of a better solution. The person who submits the coolest idea to Idea Champions by October 31st will receive a lifetime subscription to our new online, Free the Genie brainstorming tool. Go for it!
PS: If you're stuck for an idea, click here.
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 08:30 AM | Comments (2)
March 02, 2010The New Chairmen of Microsoft Europe
Bill Gates recently advertised for a new chairman of Microsoft Europe.
Five thousand candidates respond and assemble in a large room. One of them is Isaac Ginsberg, a little Jewish man from Israel.
Bill Gates thanks the candidates for coming, but asks all those not familiar with the JAVA program language to leave.
Two thousand people stand up and leave the room.
Isaac Ginsberg says to himself: "I do not know this language, but what have I got to lose if I stay? I might as well give it a try!"
Bill Gates then asks all those who have no experience managing teams of more than a hundred people to leave.
Another two thousand people stand up and go.
Isaac Ginsberg says to himself: "I have never managed anybody but myself, but what have I got to lose if I stay? What can possibly happen to me?"
Then Bill Gates asks all candidates who do not have outstanding academic qualifications to please exit the room.
Five hundred more people stand up and go.
Isaac Ginsberg smiles and says to himself, "Oy... I left school at 15, but what's the big deal if I stay?"
So he stays in the room.
Finally, Bill Gates asks everyone remaining who does not speak the Serbo-Croatian language to rise and leave. Four hundred and ninety-eight people get up and leave the room.
Issac Ginsberg chuckles and says himself, "So.. I don't speak Serbo-Croatian, but what the hell! I got nothing to lose!"
He finds himself alone in the room with only one other candidate. Everyone else has gone.
Curious, Bill Gates gets down from the stage, joins them, and says: "Apparently you are the only two candidates who speak Serbo-Croatian. I'd like to hear you converse with each other in Serbo-Croatian right now."
Calmly, Issac turns to the other candidate, clears his throat, and says: "Baruch atah Adonai."
The other candidate smiles, bows his head, and replies: "Eloheinu melech ha'olam."
Thanks to my sister, Phyllis Rosen, for this fine story.
Posted by Mitch Ditkoff at 11:47 PM | Comments (1)